The US Consul

Shortly after we set up shop in the Convention Center, one of my soldiers told me that there was a “US Counsel” running around the building looking for me. She was wondering what a lawyer from the States was doing here. Having spent the previous two years working at the State Department, I explained to her that this person was a CONSUL, meaning that she ran a Consulate, a sub-station if you will, of a US Embassy. As I finished explaining, Judy Heitmann, US Consul, approached. She was attractive, very outgoing, late 30’s, and informed me that she was looking for a place to set up a US Consulate and that she was the highest ranking diplomat in the country! Sweet. So we looked around for a location and found an empty office suite literally 50 feet down the corridor off the main lobby where our Iraqi Assistance Center offices were located. She reported directly to Paul Bremer, the Coalition Provisional Authority (CPA) Administrator. Since CPA was just established and undermanned, she asked if we could help her get around Baghdad. No problem. We outfitted her with a helmet and flak jacket and offered her a pistol and some training (over at Uday’s house). She explained that she was a Mennonite and wouldn’t use a gun, but had no problem with us doing so, especially to protect her. So on several instances when we first arrived there, we acted as her Personal Security Detail (PSD). She was fearless and would go anywhere with us. We had a weekly mission to travel all around Baghdad and visit all the remotely stationed Civil Affairs units. Also, before they were bombed, we visited the UN offices every Tuesday. So we would take her along. Also, if she had to go another day to deal with the UN weenies, we’d take her. Additionally, we invited her to our weekly Thursday night parties at our house. Why Thursday? Because Friday is the Muslim “Sunday”, so Thursday is their Saturday. Iraqis call Thursday night “Red Night”, because you party like hell before going to the mosque on Friday. Judy had considerable entertainment funds at her disposal and would often come to our house with a couple of cooks. They would bring everything they needed to prepare an outstanding Iraqi meal: food, grills, charcoal, drinks, everything. All paid for by Judy. Before long, she had set up a first rate Consulate and had electronic gadgets way beyond our means to procure: a fax machine, a copier, etc. So we frequently had the use of her equipment. And the great part was that we could just go in, say “hi”, ignore her secretary, and use her stuff! Anyone else wouldn’t get past the secretary. If they managed to, Judy would throw them out – I saw her do it on occasion. One time, Paul Bremer himself came over for a visit. I was hanging out with Judy. I immediately got up to leave and she said, “sit still, you’re my guest”! So there I was in desert fatigues, armed and dangerous, sitting in her luxurious office with her and Paul Bremer.

I went on R&R leave in September. I brought along my passport to Iraq. It was part of our personal kit that we had to have. My passport was about to expire. I asked Judy about it and she told me to fill out a passport renewal app and get her two photos. So I had the pics taken in the lobby of the convention center in my desert brown T-shirt. I took the camera downstairs to the de-mining guys who had really cool gear that could pull the pics off the camera and print them on glossy paper. Back upstairs to Judy. I gave her the app, my photos, and my expired passport. I got my new passport delivered to me in Baghdad, Iraq, IN NINE DAYS! It pays to be connected.

In July 2003, the Army finally promulgated General Order Number One. I’ll write more about this later, but it essentially banned the consumption of alcoholic beverages by soldiers serving in Iraq. Well, when Judy heard about this she immediately started a Thursday afternoon Happy Hour! She had a huge commercial grade refrigerator in her Consulate with every kind of beer and wine imaginable. Plus hard liquor and mixers. Now, according to international law, an Embassy or Consulate is legally the sovereign territory of the nation in question. So her Consulate was US territory and not part of Iraq! So every Thursday she’d have the gang from the Iraqi Assistance Center (IAC) over for Happy Hour. My boss Colonel Edwards left in January 2004 and was replaced by a new colonel. This guy was a teetotaler and a stickler for the rules. He just steamed when he saw us stream over there every Thursday. But what could he do? Even if he decided to make a big deal out of it, do you really want to get into a pissing contest with a woman who reports directly to Paul Bremer?

I still keep in touch with Judy. A great lady. Hopefully, the State Department will have the good sense to make her an Ambassador some day.